


You're A World Away

by longlivejohnlock (Sherlockxxxx)



Series: in a place called Spain [1]
Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Fluff and Angst, PLL, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spaleb, Unresolved Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-26 19:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6252649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlockxxxx/pseuds/longlivejohnlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A trip abroad changed Spencer Hastings, especially after bumping into someone from Rosewood. She never would have guessed how hard it would be to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Miles Between

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://prettylittleliarsxxxx.tumblr.com) (although that's probably where most of you found this fic :P)
> 
>  
> 
> **Part One**

When Spencer looked out the airplane window, she saw the disappearing lights of Spain, the darkness of night enveloping the place she had come to love so much. Sighing heavily, she rested her head against the window, the glass cool against her forehead. With every passing minute, the ground was harder to see and they were amongst the clouds now. She closed her eyes only to see visions of her worst memory abroad -- which happened to be only a few hours earlier. It was one thing to say goodbye to the cities she had called home for a short amount of time, but it was something totally different to say goodbye to the person who had also become like a home for her.   
  
Of course over the time she spent in Europe, she made friends and had acquaintances, but none of them even rivalled the connection she had made with someone else. Someone from her past that she never expected to see while on another continent.  
  
Caleb Rivers.  
  
She hadn't seen him since graduation. In fact, she hadn't really seen anybody except Toby since graduation. They were all in a pretty big hurry to get out of the town that haunted them, and everybody had been so focused on having an _actual_ life that they'd barely even spoken since they all started college. So when Caleb called out her name in a train station, she was pleasantly surprised. From that moment, they spent every waking hour together exploring Madrid, taking in the culture and living like locals.  
  
He was her best friend and she was his.   
  
They would talk about art, music, books, and movies until the sun came up, reminding them of the time. When Spencer woke up screaming from a nightmare, which was often, Caleb was there holding her, smoothing his hand over her hair. When Caleb talked about his life in New York and how it deteriorated, she held his hand and listened. There was nothing they kept from each other, except maybe their true feelings, but even that should have been obvious. One look at them and you knew, you just knew they were in love. But that was the one thing they never talked about. It was too complicated.    
  
Spencer shook herself out of her daydream and opened up the camera roll on her phone, smiling at the pictures they had taken together. In font of funny signs. In front of beautiful paintings, and buildings, the kind you didn't see in America. Her favourite was the pictures they took at a bullfight. It was the most awful thing she had ever watched but Caleb made it okay. He laughed hysterically when she yelled "SAVAGES!", but held her hand. Soon, he joined in. There were photos of Spencer red in the face with rage, and photos of Caleb laughing so hard that he was nothing but a blur.   
  
A tear managed to escape from her eye and roll down her cheek. Quietly, she sniffled and wiped the tear away with the back of her hand, steeling herself. She refused to sob on an airplane full of people. Spencer clicked the 'home' button and felt a twinge of pain in her heart. She found their playlist, the one they made for long train rides, or just looking at the stars, and hit 'shuffle' as she fastened her earbuds into her ears. It was painful to listen to but it also made it feel like Caleb was in the seat next to her.  
  
Spencer checked the time and did some quick mental math.   
  
Only nine hours and thirty two minutes left until she landed in Washington. Where nobody would be waiting for her. 


	2. Of Loneliness and Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer lands in D.C. in the early morning hours and texts the person she left behind in Europe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my tumblr](http://prettylittleliarsxxxx.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Part Two**

By the time Spencer had landed and gotten back to her apartment, it was four in the morning and she was exhausted. She barely slept on her flight once the baby three rows in front of her started screaming bloody murder. Nothing on her phone or laptop could drown the sound out.   
  
The moment she walked into her place, she locked the door and leaned against it, pulling her phone from the back pocket of her jeans. She clicked open her iMessages and texted Caleb immediately, not even bothering to flip the light switch on.  
  
 **[04:09:00] Hola, señor! I'm back at my apartment.  ~S  
  
** She rolled her suitcase into her bedroom and tiredly swung her carry-on and purse onto the bed before hearing her phone buzz. With the same tiredness, she hopped onto the bed and opened the notification.  
  
 _[04:11:09] Glad to hear it, señorita.  
  
_ Spencer chuckled quietly to herself.  
  
 _[04:11:23] How was your flight?  
  
_ **[04:12:58] I met the loudest baby on the planet. It was fantastic, truly.  ~S  
  
** _[04:14:30] Some babies just want to watch the world burn.  
  
_ **[04:15:06] :P   ~S  
  
** **[04:15:27] What are your plans for the day?  ~S  
  
** She gently nudged her bags to the side of her bed and slid under the warm covers. She needed to lay down. Her muscles were past the point of exhaustion. Not only was she physically worn out, she was mentally and emotionally drained. Her head fell onto her pillows like no time had even passed. After what felt like forever, her phone buzzed on the pillow next to her and she smiled.  
  
 _[04:19:00] Hopping on a train to Paris in an hour!  
  
_ **[04:19:45] Had enough of Spain?  ~S  
  
** _[04:21:02] Yeah. It just isn't the same without Spencer Hastings.  
  
_ The fluttering in her chest was almost too much to bear. Her breath stuttered a few times.  
  
 **[04:21:26] I doubt Spain is missing me very much, lol  ~S  
  
** _[04:21:51] No, but I miss you being here. I don't know how I managed to backpack for so long alone.  
  
_ **[04:24:09] Well, I'm sure Paris will be fun. But not as fun as EuroDisney was!!  ~S  
  
** _[04:26:57] I can't believe I let you con me into going.  
  
_ **[04:32:13] Oh whatevs, u had the time of ur life on Splash Mountain. Don't even deny it  ~S  
  
** _[04:33:04] Go to sleep, Spence. I can tell you're drifting by your text speak :P Call you when I get settled in Paris. :)_  
  
 **[04:34:00] :) Talk to u laterr,,, ~S**  
  
That night, Spencer fell asleep without changing her clothes from what she wore on the airplane, her eyeliner still caked on, and her phone clutched in her hand. Luckily, every part of her was so tired that she fell into a dreamless sleep and didn't have to worry about nightmares. Or even really great dreams that often weren't so great when she realized it was just a dream. 


	3. anxiety attacks and transatlantic phone calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer gets a call from Caleb and experiences her first PTSD attack post-Spain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:  
> -PTSD/anxiety attack

Rude awakenings were the absolute worst. And that's exactly what woke Spencer. The afternoon sun shone through her bedroom window, blinding her as she tried to open her eyes. Not only that, but her cell phone was ringing -- loudly -- right next to her. She was shocked that the battery didn't die as she slept.

"UGH!" she groaned. "Worst sound ever!"

Barely resisting the urge to throw it across the room, she caught a glimpse at who was calling. Her eyes widened and she smiled so big her cheeks would soon be sore. She cleared her throat a few times and stretched quickly before answering.

"Hello?" 

"Hey! You have sleepy voice. Did I wake you?"

Spencer cursed silently and scrunched up her nose.

"No! I've been up for hours!" Spencer exclaimed, a little too high pitched. "Ugh. You know me too well."

She was met with laughter on the other line and her heart swelled. 

"Okay, so, how's Paris?" 

"Dark. I just got into my room at the hostel."

"Where is it??" Spencer asked, snuggling deeper into her blanket.

"Near the Louvre. I sure wish I paid attention in French class."

"Ha! I can help with the basics. I'll email you a mini-dictionary."

"Yes!!! Maybe they won't hate me then."

"Like anybody could hate you," she blurted out.

Spencer pulled the covers over her head and quietly groaned to herself.

"Aw, shucks."

"Oh, shut up. Look, I gotta go. I'm supposed to meet Melissa for dinner and I haven't changed my clothes or showered for a solid two days. I look like I got in a fight with a badger. And lost."

"I bet you look beautiful," Caleb paused. "Okay, I'll text you tomorrow. And seriously. Email me about French words."

Her lungs had over inflated, making it extremely difficult to reply and have it not sound like an incoherent squeak.

"I will. Bye!"

Spencer clicked the 'disconnect' button and bit her lip, trying to breathe normally. She felt ridiculous. Her cheeks were pink, she could tell without looking in a mirror. And she felt like she wouldn't be able to stop smiling all day. It was like she was a school girl with a crush all over again. Truthfully, she hadn't felt this way in a long time. Wade, the man she dated before she left for Europe, was nice enough. He did everything right and he was attractive, but he was boring. Spencer hated being bored, and Wade was the human form of watching paint dry. And frankly, Spencer wasn't sure he could handle the baggage she brought to the table. Caleb could, though. He had proven it time and time again. It wasn't even that he could handle her baggage -- it was that it just seemed lighter when he was around. She could never tell him any of this, though. Their dating histories made it ... difficult, and Spencer really didn't want to risk their friendship. It was cliche as hell, but it was the truth. There was just no way he was interested in her that way.

Angrily, she kicked her blanket away until it sat at the foot of the bed, all balled up. It took nearly every ounce of energy she had to roll off of her bed. She groaned as her jeans clung uncomfortably to her legs, while the light sweater she had worn for the flight had twisted around her. Spencer opened her closet and started digging around for something appropriate to wear to dinner tonight. At first, she had wanted to wear a semi-casual dress but decided against it -- she hadn't shaved her legs in a week and was still much too tired to do that today. She'd have to settle for a pair of dark blue skinny dress jeans. The top she had her eye on was a strappy silver-sequined halter top that slinked against her curves when she moved. That meant she could wear her new strappy silver sandals she got in Europe.

Unfortunately, no matter how nice she looked, Melissa was bound to have something snippy to say. Probably about the bags around her eyes. She should really hide them, but that meant digging through her suitcase to find her makeup. Spencer loved traveling but she hated the hassle of it. Sometimes, she wasn't sure it was worth it. But she wouldn't trade her experiences abroad for anything in the world. 

Now that her outfit was all picked out, she could finally go take a long, hot shower. Spencer grabbed a fresh pair of panties from her underwear drawer and shuffled to the bathroom, hastily turning the faucet on, cranking it to almost full heat and closing the shower curtains. 

The bathroom quickly filled with steam, thick and humid. Spencer breathed in deeply, letting the hot steam clear her head. Her skin was sticky now but she felt cleaner than she had in days. She turned the faucet down a bit, not wanting to burn herself, and climbed into the bathtub. The water felt like silk against her skin and she savoured the feeling, just standing under the stream, letting it rinse away all the dirt that had settled in her hair and on her skin. If only there were showers for unwanted emotions. She wouldn't hesitate to use that. If only she could rinse Caleb away. 

For the rest of her shower, she tried not to think about him, but it was getting more difficult as time went on, and she resented it. It's tiring to care so much about someone you shouldn't care about and she was ready for a nap.

Groaning, she finished washing the conditioner out of her hair and turned the water off, carefully stepping out of the tub and onto the bathmat, droplets of water falling to the ground. 

When she began drying herself off, she was harshly reminded of a PTSD episode she had in Spain. Instantly, it felt like the steam was trying to suffocate her and she needed out immediately. Spencer's heart was pounding violently in her chest and it hurt. It was like thousands of razor blades poking at her and cutting her. Every breath she tried to take stung and she couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to have enough oxygen. Her muscles felt like limp spaghetti and she fell hard to her knees, gasping for air. She was going to die. This was it. This was how she was going to die. Naked on her bathroom floor. The lack of air made it impossible to comprehend how hilarious and ridiculous that was. Instead, she was just terrified. Last time this happened, Caleb had been there. Spencer wished he was with her again. 

But he wasn't, and she'd have to pull through this alone. She knew she could. She had done it a hundred times before Caleb. 

Still gasping for air, trying to get a full breath, she crawled to the door. She tried to pry it open and cursed at herself for locking it. Her anger seemed to help fuel her survival instincts, though, and she flipped the lock open. Her muscles and limbs were on fire but she pushed through her anguish, turning the door knob and ripping it open. Cool air hit her face as she painfully crawled out of the room, water and sweat dripping from her body, her knees throbbing from dragging against the tile and now the carpet. The drop in air temperature gave her goosebumps and helped cool her down, allowing her to get her first real, full breath in what felt like hours. Each breath after seemed to come a little bit easier than the one before. Spencer took as big of a breath as she could and blew out for one, two, three, four, five seconds. It was a technique her therapist had suggested to help regulate her breathing and lessen the physical effects of anxiety. It's been a long time since she's had to use that particular strategy and she was almost ashamed at how long it took her to remember it.

When she could finally breathe regularly, Spencer flopped onto her side and continued to let the steam dissipate from her bathroom. Every lungful of air was refreshing but it still hurt her chest -- she expected that to linger for a little while. After resting on the floor for several minutes, she slowly got to her feet, testing how strong her muscles were as she gripped the frame of her bed so hard her knuckles turned white. There wasn't one part of her that didn't hurt. 

With a loud groan of exhaustion, she managed to make it to her bed, where her clothes for dinner were waiting for her. Her body was mostly dry now except for the sweat she felt on her forehead and the back of her knees. Ugh. She was going to feel awful for the rest of the night now. 

Spencer sighed and pulled her jeans up, buttoning and zipping them. They sat flat on her narrow hips and hugged every curve her long, toned legs had. She slipped into the silver top she had picked out, the straps falling gracefully into place atop her shoulders. It had a mostly open back, straps criss-crossing between her shoulder-blades to add a touch of evening elegance. She checked the time and cringed, only having forty minutes to do her hair and makeup before leaving to meet her sister. 

Forty minutes came a lot faster than she had expected. She grabbed her phone, keys and her slinky black purse and bolted out the door. She planned on having a glass or two of wine at dinner and the restaurant was close enough to her apartment that she could walk. 

While she walked down the sidewalk to the main road, she checked her phone nearly every two minutes, selfishly hoping Caleb couldn't sleep and would text her. So far, he hadn't. It almost disgusted her how much she wanted that to happen. Spencer stopped to fasten her earbuds and find her favourite Bowie album, then quickly stuffing her phone into the front pocket of her jeans, trying to forget about its existence. She was better than this.

By the time she got to the restaurant, ten minutes had come and gone with Spencer not checking her phone. It was a small accomplishment but she felt infinitely better. Before going in, she gently took out her earbuds and put them back in her purse. She sighed and pulled on the handle of the door. 

Into battle.


End file.
